Short Story Part III: Defeat

Am I angry???

Imagine a consciousness, tumbling within a void. I am still searching for the other side, or praying that I have already hit the bottom. They say that you can only go up after getting knocked down. But sometimes wallowing in the pain can be so much easier, simpler.
It's been a while since my last entry. Finding the time to stay creative and productive is very much an energy that takes strength to find. But as much as I wish to just stay and rest in my filth, I am ever persistent in what may very well remain my life's ambitions. 

 Short one this week I know, but here is another entry from my first short story I'm trying to work on. Links below to catch up on previous installments. 


I see the kitchen empty, nothing but a plate of chicken, potatoes, and beans on the counter. I ate the plate right there, staring into nightfall outside the window.  

I can see my Jeep Cherokee parked right outside the back door, cooling in the moonlight glow. I love that car, got me to a few places. Got me out of some of other ones too. The roads were bad up here and you needed those horses to get through the mud. One wrong turn and you’re stuck up here, as if the mountain won't let you out.  At least that’s what I always thought as a kid. 

I finish my dinner and leave the dish in the sink. I didn’t even use a fork.

I see the light from the master bedroom as I approach through the hallway. The sound of the water already running in the background. Angela is in her usual tank top and shorts; her hair pulled back as she rinses her face. She sees me in the mirror as she goes for the towel. I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her belly. Her hair smells like spring and I begin to kiss her behind the ear.

“Thank you for dinner,” I said into her ear.

“Was it cold?”

“It was fine.”

I see Angela’s expression in her mirror. She’s worried.

“How much longer?” she whispers.

“Just a little longer.”

“We can’t stay here.”

“You know we can’t leave now. They’re all running tail on us. We have to stay low until JayDee calls.”

“So we just stay here, until…”

My throat's dry, “When I get the call.”

And just how I’ve disappointed her so many times before, she rushes right by me, towards the bed. It felt like I was losing the night.

“Why are you doing this right now?” the tension runs up my spine, “I don’t need you to act this way, not out here!”

She’s still unwrapping the bed covers. She didn’t even turn around.

“I don’t want to start a family like this.”

I didn’t have to see her face to know that sound. The sound of regret that, no matter what I said, couldn’t change what I’ve done to her and what I’m about to do. 

She makes sure she rolls under the blankets before I could see her tears swell. Defeated, I make sure I switch off the light before I walk out. I carefully close the bedroom door behind me.