Just a Ramble: Accepting Failure

I think I've always had a hard time accepting failure. Having to put myself in a position to really allow myself to grow at a breakneck speed has been something I've avoided for a good portion of my early adulthood. I really didn't know how to thrive under pressure and I sought the obvious security blankets of my general life.

But growth comes from within and the only possible way to see that growth is through challenges and obstacles. I can't wish to become a better man and human being without the trial by fire you can only imagine in great epics from long ago.

Taking risks is necessary to learn this growth and by no other circumstances can any individual wish to pursue anything similar. Failure builds character and by fortifying your mind and spirit during times of adversity will you rise to your true potential. 

Science Fiction: a Love, a Passion, a Reason to Stay Sane

I love science fiction.
I don't know what it is about the genre. It has something to do with that sense of wonder, that curiousness towards our own existence that makes us take a pause. Science fiction is a pure representation of imagination, of where man is now, and where he is destined to go.
The idea for me is that peace of looking into the stars and having a universe worth of room to create and imagine worlds that are unlike our very own --or if our own world were different some how. For myself, it gives me a fantastic chance to momentarily escape from my very own reality. It has definitely shaped the person I am today.
Growing up in the Antelope Valley, California, much of my imagination came from the absence of any visual stimulation. Don't get me wrong, the desert mountain ranges of the San Joaquin mountains are a breath to take in, but it leaves miles and miles in between of tumbleweeds and Joshua bushes.
So you can sympathize as to why I tended to drift mentality. Away from what my daily schedules and tasks were in class or at home. My head would just be in a cloud somewhere, yearning for my body to go to where my mind has traveled. I wanted to be in a world where I was free to do what I choose.
There was definitely something missing.
Then in high school, one of my English required reading assignments found me grabbing a book by the name of Ender's Game. Before that moment, I didn't really know what true science fiction was --at least not in a literary sense. This book became life defying as I knew somehow someway I wanted to be a part of this, either as a fan, or something more.
In the future, I will talk a little more about the works of science fiction that influenced me as a writer, as well as share some pieces that I am putting together. Until then, keep your eyes on the stars and wonder.

The Leap to Freedom

I can't be alone in thinking that all we ever want to be is happy. Living our own lives as if we are kings and queens of our own piece of this place we call Earth. Enjoying all the spoils of our labor and growing old with our children, seeing that they are raised with values that will create them to become successful.

When does the journey for that dream begin?

The road in front of me is particularly murky, wondering if I will be strong to see its end. I know I must jump towards safety but it fills me with fear. Why must I become afraid in order to achieve something so meaningful? I ask this because I already know the answer.

The call for battle is upon me. I can feel its chaos and decay upon my flesh. But I do not flinch. I can only stand tall and embrace the fear that seeps through out my veins. For the leap to freedom will only be conquered by the strong and for those who know what is at stake.

I can only imagine my present state and my current circumstances as a fight for survival; with all potential threats looking to challenge my progress and take what is rightfully mine. As Bruce Wayne jumped the gap within the pit and rose from darkness, he grew forever stronger to challenge an adversary that broke him in half. But to learn to conquer your enemy, you must first learn to conquer yourself and the fear within:

Continue on! Stay Alive!
In order to stay free
we must jump into danger
the heart rate rises
he is terrified
death is near
the crowds cheer for his success
he lets go of all inhibitions and gives his will to fate
he makes the jump to freedom and 
into battle
forged from steel within darkness

The Bungee Jump

The closer and closer I get, the more I realize how real this is becoming; the edge of the cliff, the end of the road. You want so badly to know what will be on the other side of the mountain, but who really wants to know? We all live for the sense of wonder.

I suppose I imagine a bungee jumper, standing on the edge of the steel railing, looking straight down into a 100ft drop. Will my rope hold? What happens if the coil snaps? How hard is it going to hurt to die? But you let it go. All the fear and the guilt and the anger and the pain. You stare into the gorge that is mother earth and know that no matter what happens we will all return to her. 

"Yes, I'm scared!" is what I say to them, "and I know of no other way to live." 

They look at me with their blank stares, wondering when or if I will ever wake up. But I keep dreaming and I take that leap. Those few seconds of terror will account for more life than an entire lifetime on the other side of that railing. From souls to crown, all electric flow of life surges throughout my limbs, waking me up to the possibilities of what constitutes being alive and the primal instinct that fuels me to survive.

Stay hungry everyone and don't be afraid to jump every once in a while.

Tonight We Dine In Hell

Standing alone is often a metaphor given to epic showdowns in which our main character stands before a great army and blood-thirsty war lord ready to rain hell upon our small band of heroes. The opposition is perceived invincible and our only hope for survival is to perhaps submit to their will, allowing but a small piece of happiness within our so-called lives. But our heroes are constructed out of a different fabric,  standing strong within their ideals, un-wavered to the concept of what defines true fulfillment of life is complete and utter freedom to do what you were born to do, whatever that may be. 

I started this blog as a means to provide a sort of creative outlet; a means to promote my own artistry and perhaps make a few friends along away. But I can't help but pull some of the emotional tenants that currently exist within the flow of my own life. I am beginning my story at its most definitive, crucial moment of my own life. Without realizing my own intention, I allowed myself to document the journey in a medium capable to share with the world. I only hope that the ending of the story will be something worth telling. 

The journey really begins at a choice, one in which no one can ever make except for oneself. Through out my life I was conditioned to believe that all of life's turning points existed within a certain path, a trajectory that you can spot from miles away. My decision to move out of my parents home, to go to college, and to get a full time job were all significant periods in which the decision was pretty much made up because of circumstance. I was a drone plotting along the various channels of life. 

But what is to happen when there is no clear cut choice, when the decision to change ones life becomes so murky and convoluted with doubt that it begins to bog your spirit like a curse. Why must I yearn for something more and choose to reject a path of ignorance? In that moment, what is to happen when your entire being, your own internal conviction is telling you to go in one direction, without any hope of knowing the outcome? What happens when all sense of logic settles within yourself and asks you to really "think" this through, that acting with your heart is a fools errand? Then, what happens when you are face-to-face with an opposition and when that opposition is embodied in the faces of those you most love?

I suppose that is just the nature of things and that if we had everything figured out, then life would just be plain and boring. Of course, that's just me:

An "A" game; you can only have one. How do we get there? What does it take?
And Instinct so primitive that only in surreal circumstances can this be achieved
You are born to do this
This is your shot to sell your story
Sell your heart
Why does any one individual deserve greatness?
The obstacles will be what defines the outcome
You cannot falter
Stay strong
Move Forward

My Own Selfish Desire. An Exploration Within the True Self

At what point should I ask myself, "am I making the right decision?" The course of our very lives resides on the constant variation of our own choices, deciding on what we want versus what we need. To often than not, we rationalize our motives for those things that we want. Therefore, creating an internal conflict over that in which we  want versus that in which we really need. But what were to happen if that want constitutes a deeper desire?

Our own human desires are remnants of a primitive self, a former being in which knows what is required to survive within a wilderness. Our own internal perception of our environment grew over centuries of evolution and to deny this would be a complete lack of regard towards the power of the inner self. Our true nature is very much decided by that inner want.

This is not to say that people should completely divulge themselves on frivolous things that will only serve to feed your spirit in the short term. The true rewards lie within what the heart desires; the inner spirit that cries unto the world for a moment in the sun. Quiet your mind and open your heart. There may very well be a reward waiting for you that can define a lifetime.

Why me? What have I possibly done to achieve such a tremendous honor? Surely there are others that are more deserving of its precious gifts. 

The moment when one looks over the edge of safety can last an eternity, wishing that tomorrow would come swifter. But I cannot question destiny. For fate rarely calls upon those at a moment of their choosing. 

We are but a handful that have been placed within the winds of change, blessed by those who have sacrificed so much so that we may arrive at this point in time--the named and un-named. 

We owe them our deepest gratitude and our duty holds us to see this sacred task through. So while doubt asks, "why me?" destiny asks ,"why not me?" 

It is ours to take and run free.

A Movie Review: NOAH

So, I wanted to try something different and announce  a series of articles reviewing a recent movie I was able to catch in the cinema. Without giving any spoilers away, I'll go over my initial thoughts, my recommendation, and anything else that can be thought of as brain fodder. As I have already posted on this blog, I am a big movie fanatic and that i have a consistent desire to relate every aspect of life to some movie, somewhere. But I think any movie goer can relate to me when I say that its all about getting lost in the story and hoping to walk away thinking differently because of it. 

With that being stated, it would only be appropriate to discuss the film that really brings into focus  the central meaning of what is our reality. Noah puts into scope of what it Is to be human and how they are tasked to exist on this earth. I remember some of the early promo for this film and my thoughts were that it was a bit darker than a traditional Bible-based film would have taken it. Even with the recent release of the Bible miniseries on History channel, that version was a bit more on the optimistic side (as optimistic as the whole world drowning in a flood can be) and reinforced the entire theme of hope through out the duration Of the series.

Now of course, as soon as I heard that Darren Aronofsky was directing this bad boy, I knew well that he wasn't going to retell this epic tale straight forward. Leave it to him to take a different edge to the famed Noah story. Darren never deals with characters in the black or white of moralistic integrity. He is an expert at really engaging characters in questionable lights and forces the audience to make judgment calls on our central character and Noah (Russell Crowe) is no different. He is constantly trapped within the gray as far has having to make a choice between life and death. 

Without giving too much away, the ending could perhaps stir some controversy but could definitely spark some interesting discussions. I didn't really read into too much of the back story behind the production of this movie, so I am not quite certain how close to the source the finer details are (I know, growing up in a catholic school and I can't seem to recall some of the major components to the story) but I wouldn't put it past Mr. Aronofsky to make some key changes. 

But of course, controversy or not, it is a great film with awesome visuals. Some aspects of the film may have ruffled some feathers, but in no way near the level of say The Passion of The Christ Or The Last Temptation of Christ (I think there is something about Jesus that ruffles people's feathers,) The acting is great and solid, of course having the reunion of Beautiful Mind's Academy award winning duo, Russell Crowe and Jennifer Connelly. 

One Reason to Not Die Nameless

I think most people want to say that they had a meaningful life. Most people want to say that they lived life to the fullest, that we stopped at nothing to really go after what we always wanted. Plastering self help quotes and motivational speeches all over our dresser drawers and computer screens, ever keeping our focus on the end game. But where is the gut check? How many will continue to stand after life gives them one good punch in the mouth?

Most cases we live in denial, settling for the road easiest traveled. I find myself asking that very same question, praying that I have the right answer to give. But my actions will always speak louder than words.

I want to live a happy and fulfilling life, but what are the sacrifices to get there? I'm looking at the end goal but when faced with the long and treacherous staircase up a jagged mountain, I can't help but find myself leaning on doubt, second guessing my own purpose and ambition.

Maybe they are right.

Its not often when you come across an article that can really grab you by the throat and give you a good wake up call. Today I read 7 Reasons Why You Will Never Do Anything Amazing With Your Life and really couldn't find a better time to read such a piece. The brilliance of hearing the cold blooded truth about so many other people's shortcomings and how the acceptance of that truth is possibly the greatest failure as a society.

How do you define an utter lack of passion, an apathy that exists as your greatest characteristic, and apply that within an environment that only rewards the strongest with survival?

History dictates that those who are dominant do not remain as such for long.

A challenge, an opportunity, an opposition, a war. 
When faced with the greatest moment of ones life, what are the emotions that exist within that moment: happiness, fear, hope, sadness? 
Sadness for all those who couldn't make it before and for all those who never had the opportunity to take the shot; for all those who died nameless. 
As humans, that is what we all ultimately want ito acheive in life, manifesting into the search for true meaning.

Never give up, never surrender

"When you are going through hell, keep going."
             -winston churchill
It has always been a question of what is your limit. I think the pursuit for anything worth while has always been laid out in terms of whether I can endure the pain necessary to achieving success. Every aspect of life is measured within this concept of survival and struggling with an opposition. 
The idea of a comfort zone is what everyone seeks, but what should always be questioned, especially when it is unearned. I can only imagine the countless people who have grown stagnant and stale with this false notion of safety within their lives. Constantly attached to these standard comforts of living that have done nothing but dulled their senses to whats truly important. Running from the first sign of adversity.
I am one who has become numb and blunt. Unable to cut swiftly against any tough surface. But I am grateful for my senses to become aware of this fact and that my unfortunate circumstances have taught me up to this point on what is real.
Nothing comes easy without a fight and sometimes we must learn to crawl through the mud in order for us to learn to use our legs to stand.
Standing at an edge
Seeing the darkness but I will not fall
I will not falter
I will not let go
You had me at an end but I did not stop
You had me at a depth but I did not gasp for air
You had me at my most broken 
but I did not ask to be placed back together


Her Love

Okay,  to kind of start this off, I'm not particularly an emotional guy. I think the first impression people read off of me is that I don't take too many things seriously and brush a lot of things off.  And for the most part, they're right about every single thing. I just can't help but take everything with a grain of salt. 
With that said, I am not completely heartless or cold. I do have feelings and sometimes the heart strings do get plucked every once and a while.  So its all a matter of perspective. 
By no means am I some romance laureate--I couldn't be further from it--but its more of an expression to flex my range. 
And maybe a female shoulder or two to cry on.... (wink wink)
If that didn't sound creepy, I don't know what does:

Her love was hard to remember
Her love will be hard to forget
Her love was one that asked you to become better
Her love was one you would yearn to become greater
I wanted the best for myself, and that love was my reminder for that
I wanted the world and that love kept me striving for that
So forever I will be greatful of the lessons I've learned
Because with her in my life, I never would have never grown