When Victory Has Defeated You

One constant theme that appears to reoccur throughout the series of recent days is the notion that our current adult-selves has developed most of its own cognitive behavior from thoughts and memories from childhood. I am almost certain that this comes as of no profound revelation to anyone that reads this, but as someone who has been exposed to an enormous amount of recent self-reflection, I have to say that this understanding is extremely compelling. It is as if our adult personas are not a reflection of "new" knowledge, but a mere projection of our childhood habits and personality traits.

As my own examination upon myself, I have to say that I have lived a fairly decent life. By no means did I come from a wealthy household, nor was I the high achieving scholar that received top honors in school. I was your average, run-of-the-mill kid with the sort of a sense of what I wanted to be, but never having any of the gonads to really set a game plan to go pursue it. I was fortunate to come from a solid home in a small town community and was blessed to have the loving parents that devoted their lives to insure that I have the resources and means necessary to create the man I am today. My life was simple and, for the most part, extremely happy.

I suppose that at the ripe old age of 30 is when you begin to look back and really examine how all these events in your life really fit together and what is the direction that will lead you to where you are supposed to go. As I sit here on a warm summer night, I really begin to wonder how I got to this moment and all I can say is that I have been extremely spoiled, having never really felt the true pain that this life is capable of.

Although I am humble by nature, my current set of accolades would bid that I should be extremely proud of who I am. Graduated with my Master's before 27 and being a property owner before 26, I have the gusto to say that what I aim for is what I get, period. My path in life has always been dictated to me by external circumstances and I believe that it has resulted in something much more dangerous; my senses became numb. I looked for the obvious choice, as if life was plowing the way for me, hoping that I would hop along closely.

So what happens when the pathway runs dry and life looks at you and asks, "what do you want from me?"

Isn't the whole idea of finding yourself is that the answer should just appear, clear as day, in front of your eyes? That quickly becomes a childhood myth when the realities of day soon come crashing on your doorstep, asking questions that you are not even close to prepared to answer. I look back upon the lessons that I have learned throughout childhood, in search of a clue, only to leave with one final conclusion; I didn't have a clue.

In the last few months, one of my biggest influencers for making the leap into my dream chase has been motivational speaker and preacher, Eric Thomas. Known for his viral sensation If You Want to Succeed as Bad as You Want to Breath speech, Eric Thomas illustrates how life will punch you hard in the mouth and that those who are accustomed to success will quickly fall to their knees. The video below references one of my favorite speeches, not only for his reference to Batman --which has become one of my all time favorite film franchises-- but because he really hits home how a life with hardship is essential for the realization of true potential.


Beautifully spoken, Eric Thomas illustrates how the darkness of our lives can be embraced in order for our own true selves to reach the light. As I walk upon my own true awakening, I have come to accept this sense of "no direction", understanding that one must be lost in order to be truly found. Recognize that the trials of life are beset so that you may rise above adversity and live to tell the tale. My own failures and setbacks are but a stepping stone for something greater across the horizon.

My Desert Rat

The Desert has always been a tough place, 
burning dry under the summer sun. 

Growing up, I was always prepared for the raging fire;
a tidal wave of fury racing down the mountain side. 

But we fought and we won 
and I continue to call this wilderness my home. 

The barren desert becomes the proving ground, 
testing all would be travelers' character and will. 

Just as the blistering deserts without a spring in sight
embody the long stretches of struggle and adversity,
will too our conquering of such a struggle prove our own merit?

Just as the lone traveler struggles and falls along His wasteland, 
finding the strength from within and up above,
will He live on and become the savior of man. 

@alexantonio00

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