#22 Why So Angry? Podcast: New Years Roundup, NFL, and WW3

Writing is like observing the observer, while they are observing. The biggest challenge is having to do something that takes up every single corner of your life, every waking moment --everytime you drive to work --everytime you stand in line at the DMV or take a ride in the subway or enjoying a beer. You are doing it anytime you're with friends.

You're writing. You're observing the world.

And when you have to finish the process of actually get that stuff down on paper goes away, you become self conscious of what you're doing. And then just dies off.

So that's the need --that's the fire that's fueling this project --that's the battle I'm always waging. Having to fit myself in this place that doesn't know it even exists and wondering if anyone would bat an eye, if I were to just give up today.

There's so many lows. There's so many lows there's nothing really. In my recent memory that I can think that I was able to feel any sort of purpose out of this for joy, or excitement.

I can't remember the last time I felt fulfilled by this.

I'm not gonna sit here and tell you how to do it --it doesn't matter if you hate it, you want to quit, or you think your life is going to be better for it. But something keeps pulling me back --call it the natural forces at work that just pull me in it's gravitational well --I keep coming back to the blank page. All there is is the blank. 

Part of me wanted to get into this because I thought I would somehow feel comforted with the idea of sitting amongst all my written work and revel in its magnificence while everyone gave me praise. Yeah, there's a big guilty pleasure in admitting it; I know that's not the niether journey nor the truth. That's just a projection, and that's just a physical end game that when the going gets tough (not to use a cliche term). When the sweating gets tough, you're not gonna be thinking about those pleasures, and you're going to be thinking about all the reasons why you're inefficient, or incapable. 

Call me crazy, but I think there's a difference.

Show Notes:

Into Music: The Glitch Music  Featured Song: Skydive by J'san & Epektase 
Listen to more like it at Chillhop
Music by Chillhop: http://chillhop.com/listen
Listen on Spotify: http://bit.ly/ChillhopSpotify 
The Hated One channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjr2bPAyPV7t35MvcgT3W8Q
The anger iceberg-https://twitter.com/AlexAntonio0/status/1217537610416918528?s=19


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