“Don't feel sorry for me. I did plenty of that. All the way growing up.”
The reason why I've been reflecting on this subject is because Im trying to get a better understanding of who I am as an adult and how I am going to be as a parent and how not to continue the same failings that Ive experienced.
I wonder why I've struggled so much to get ahead of this world and why I feel so unsatisfied and I come to the realization that I've been hampered in a lot of my self development.
In school I've always been categorized as remedial, even having to take English as a second language when I was as young as kindergarten.
In high school i was immediately enrolled in "transitioning" courses --basically classes for under-performing students. I’ve never been considered for AP courses and, for the most part, held back a grade during my time in high school.
Then afterwards I went to community college instead of just shooting for higher --had terrible scores on my SATs.
So what I’m trying to say is that while it appears that I’m not performing well, it happens to be the system that tells me that I'm inefficient; therefore, as an adult, im always struggling to take a risk and really shoot for excellence.
I can tell myself to change my mentality, but it is near impossible to do that without understanding the lifetime of living in a world that told me that I am less than average.
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