All By Design

I am a writer.

I haven't always accepted that fact -- in fact looking for more ways to dismiss the very thought. And though it would account for the greatest challenge of my life, it has also become the medium that saved me.

Just before I decided to make the jump into uncertainty, I went out and earned a Master's degree.This was an incredible challange because it required me to attend school while holding a fulltime job. If there was ever a time where my grit and tenacity was needed to get me through an obstacle, it was then.

Although I complaned and dreaded the work everyday, I was subconsciously building on my craft. Its amazing to me how years of toiling and struggling with an online business degree would develope the habits and traits necessary to stay a productive writer. To this day I dread putting words to the page, but I don't let it control me. It's a part of the process and I learned how to grind past it. 

Beginning my journey with an online MBA --while working full time at an IT help desk -- instilled an ability of putting in the long hours. My days were hectic and my nights were a sruggle to stay focused on school tasks and writing assignments. I definitely learned the value of the local coffee shop. 

And I hated it!!! I couldn't stand sitting in front of a desk for 9 hours holding a day job, to then head over to Panera Bread to log in a couple more hours with business theory and case assignments. But as hard as it was, it became a learning experience that l've applied for the rest of my life. I essentially learned how to become my own boss. 

With no physical teacher, classmates, and classroom to keep me on track, I had to be the one to oversee my own progress. I realize now that self-management is a trait that a lot of people do not posses, especially when it comes to the creative arena. 

All my life I never saw mself as particularly intelligent, talented, or naturally gifted at anything. However, what I do naturally posses is the ability to out work anyone, especially if I set my mind to it. If there is something I want to learn to do, I go out and do it. I guess it's my obsessive personality, that I can let something burn inside my head and that I cannot let die until I see it realized. My nature is to see it done, despite the odds. 

In Steven Pressfield's War of Art, he explains that one of the most common causes of failures among artists and writers is the inability to stay committed, and that life's challenges derive from a single unseen force, in which the book has coined as "resistance." 

What I learned in the relative short amount of time that I have started this writer's path is that enduring the suck and staying committed to your goals may be the sole ingredient to success. I thought that I would quit long before I finished my graduate degree, but I kept plugging away. The amount of work involved made the finish line seem almost impossible at times; I almost gave up before I began. But something kept me going. Perhaps it was the shame involved with throwing in the towel, that no amount of hard work could possibly feel worse than saying the words, "I quit."

And I am still taking swings at it. So something must be working. 

Below is a piece that I wrote that has no relevance to what I spoke about. But please feel free to indulge.

Take care and stay resilient my friends.

A single consciousness, 
void of religion, race, gender, or creed, 
filling the in between of space and time.

Eyes are but looking glasses.
Through them, I receive it's colors.
 To know that I am is a wonderful thing.

No days, no moments, no years. 
I listen to the messages in the wind,
thinking that my own self is a single agent
part of a larger whole. 


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